This last post is dedicated to conversations that you and your spouse should have as you attempt to create a more intentional lifestyle design. Instead of offering advice, I'm simply offering questions and conversation starters, so that you and your spouse can hash these things out.
Just so you know, I wouldn't recommend a summit style meeting where you talk about all these questions all at once. That would be exhausting, and your decision would feel too set in stone. Each time you make a decision, you'll learn something new about yourself and your spouse. The new information may guide you to new conversations and new decisions. Your decisions can be an iterative process (though each time you change something drastically, commit to a few months to adjust before you change your mind again).
Conversations to have if both spouses want a career
Do we earn enough (combined) to hire a trustworthy nanny?
How will we make sure that both of us have an important presence in our kids' lives?
How will we manage kids activities in the next season of life?
Which of us will be the number one emergency contact?
If our kid goes to the hospital, which of us will drop everything at work to be with him/her?
If our kid develops a terminal illness, will either of us quit work to be with him/her? If so, who?
What will we do to regularly assure our kids of our love?
When will we both prioritize family above our work?
Questions about money:
Are we making this choice because we feel like we need two incomes? If so, can anything be done to increase one of our earnings enough, so that two incomes aren't a need?
How much of our income do we expect to spend on outsourcing?
Is our motivation for choosing two careers primarily financial or primarily lifestyle?
Is there some financial milestone that would make two careers less appealing?
How much of our income/wealth are we willing to invest in growing a business or continuing education?
How will two careers fit with our lifestyle and spending aspirations?
How will we teach our kids about money?
Questions about marriage:
Do we trust each other enough to go down to one income should the need arise?
How often should we re-evaluate this choice?
Do we believe that this choice will help our marriage flourish?
How can we prioritize our marriage when we are both working and we have kids?
Do you have any unexpressed emotions or desires?
What expectations do each of us have of the other if we make this choice?
How will we convey dissapointment?
Questions about career:
Do you like your career?
What will we do if a great opportunity presents itself across the country?
Do you want to become an entrepreneur?
Do you believe that frequent travel will help you grow in your career?
Are we located in the right part of the world/country for both of us to maximize career growth?
Do you expect that you'll work in a similar field 10 years from now?
How often do you think you'll change jobs?
Conversations to have if you'll be a single career couple:
Does the primary earner earn enough to care for the kids at our desired standard of living?
How will we make sure that both of us have an important presence in our kids' lives?
How will we manage kids activities in the next season of life?
What will we do to regularly assure our kids of our love?
When will the primary earner prioritize family above work?
Will we ever hire outside help to care for the kids?
Questions about money:
Does the primary earner make enough money? How much is enough?
What will we do if the primary earner becomes unable to work for a long period of time?
Is our motivation for choosing a single career primarily financial or primarily lifestyle?
How much of our income/wealth are we willing to invest in growing a business or continuing education?
Does the amount of money we earn fit with our lifestyle and spending aspirations?
Can we continue to make financial headway?
How will we teach our kids about money?
How does the primary earner feel about bearing responsibility for earning?
Questions about marriage:
Do we trust each other enough to make this choice?
How often should we re-evaluate this choice?
Do we believe that this choice will help our marriage flourish?
How can we prioritize our marriage?
Do you have any unexpressed emotions or desires?
What expectations do each of us have of the other if we make this choice?
How will we convey dissapointment?
Questions about career:
Does the primary earner like their career?
What will we do if a great opportunity presents itself across the country?
Do you want to become an entrepreneur?
Do you believe that frequent travel will help you grow in your career?
Are we located in the right part of the world/country for you to maximize earnings?
Do you expect that you'll work in a similar field 10 years from now?
How often do you think you'll change jobs?
What steps should we take if you become disenchanted with your career?